My latest Sympatico column is the sequel to one I wrote for ScoreGolf several years ago — in other words, I’ve returned to fiction writing to try to figure out Tiger Woods’ social media agenda.
Here’s a taste:
Tiger (looking uncomfortable): What are the production values of this going to be Steinie? I’ve got a multi-million dollar boat, and a house with a driving range off the bedroom, but people said our first attempt looked like outtakes from a high school AV club. Heck, even Mickelson mocked that first interview. And that dude from the Golf Channel said it looked like a Commie propaganda video.
Steinie: Tiger, we’re using the latest in technology from Google, and we’re not going to have you interview yourself this time.
Tiger: Okay, I get it. Like everything, I think it is just about putting in the reps. Once we’ve done this a bunch more and eliminated the need for me to do those annoying pre-tournaments interviews, I’m sure we’ll be viewed as revolutionizing sports media. What have you got for me, Glenn?
Glenn (fumbling some cue cards): Well, there’s the standard stuff and we are screening all the questions. Some from a poster named “sexts” that I’m not going to bother you with, and a couple from someone calling themselves ElinNo1 asking about your interest in porn. One asking whether you really made Zach Johnson watch adult films during the Ryder Cup. [Pauses and flips through the cards.] Another from SliceGuy asking about whether you still intimidate anyone on tour.