Yankee? No Thankee!

Somehow, I just knew it was going to be a great week!

First, I got an e-mail from Mr. Gabriel Umah…a solicitor and advocate of the Supreme Court of Nigeria (wow!).  The honorable Mr. Umah somehow managed to track me down (I have no idea how?) and he offered me a 50% share in a dormant $18.5 million bank account that apparently is owned by a long lost relative of mine.  Honestly, I didn’t realize our family tree had sprouted any branches in Nigeria…but am I ever glad it did!

Then, within a matter of hours, I got another great e-mail that surprised me.  This one was from Mr. Kelvin Williams, who is an Agent Represenetative with the FBI!!! 

Now, I have no idea what a “Represenetative” is.  At first I thought it was a very curious typo, but knowing the FBI and all those cool, top secret jobs they have, it must be a pretty special and very important position.

Acording to my e-mail, apparently some dastardly no-goodnik named James Walter told the FBI that I was dead!!  Not only that, but he wants to claim my ATM-Card-Package card for himself (you just can’t trust anyone nowadays, can you?)

So, all I had to do was send back an e-mail to the Represenetative from the FBI (to his top secret g-mail address, no less), letting him know my name, driver’s license number, bank account number and occupation to clear things up.  I don’t have all the details yet, but from what I can gather, as soon as I pay the measly “Dumorage Fee” of $210, the FBI will be sending me my ATM-Card-Package…and according to the FBI, that bank account is just stuffed with cash!  I don’t know which bank it is, or why it’s loaded with money that’s apparently mine…but I never was a very good bookkeeper.  I mean, I don’t even know what a Dumorage Fee is fer cripe’s sake!

And before I could even write back, or send in the money, I got an e-mail from Robert S. Mueller III, the Director of the FBI himself!  He told me that somehow my payment had been released and my ATM Swift Card would be on its way as soon as I gave them the rest of the information. 

Cha-ching!

Man…what a week!!!   I suppose I really ought to go out and buy some Lotto Max tickets or something.  But since I’ll soon have TWO bank accounts literally crammed with over $20 million, I figure I’ll stop playing the lottery and give everyone else a chance to get rich too. I’d hate to be greedy, after all.

Oh yeah, there was one more bit of good news this week: After 6 fairly inept kicks at the cat, I finally managed to pick a winner on the PGA Tour this week!

Steve Stricker is my new BFF…right after Gabriel Umah and FBI Agent Represenetative Kelvin Williams, of course.

And so, without any further adieu, here’s how the selections stacked up in last week’s John Deere Classic:

Derek’s Picks                                                             D&D (Daughter & Dartboard)

Naturally, I’m not going to go around the house celebrating my big win on Tour this week.  I’d hate to make my little girl feel bad…especially after all the singing and dancing she’s done every week, for the past 6 weeks, when her dartboard results came back so much better than mine.  I’d hate to curb her enthusiasm for golf like that.

Of course, I will be celebrating those two enormous bank accounts that magically landed in my lap!  The his-and-hers Lamborghinis are already on order and we’re starting to look at some major real estate upgrades…with a cee-ment pond and everything!

This Week it’s a whole new dimpled ballgame…but with the incredible string of luck I’ve been having, I’m feeling the happy thoughts, big time over my upcoming picks.

Actually, it’s TWO new ballgames this week golfing friends. The modern-day golfing gods will be walking in the footsteps of the immortals, vying for the Open Championship at The Old Course at St. Andrews.  Meanwhile, the mere mortals will be digging pro beaver pelts out of the Montreaux Golf & Country Club, trying to capture the Reno-Tahoe Open. 

The Open Championship

The theme for my picks at St. Andrew can be summed up in one pithy little rhyme: “Yanks, no thanks.”  It might not bump “Madam, I’m Adam” out of the Guinness Book of Records, but it comes pretty close.

That’s right folks; I’m going with a totally non-American roster this week in my selections for the title of “Champion Golfer of the Year.”

Justin Rose

Two wins in his last three starts…plus an oh-so-close finish in the third event (which took place in the middle), make young Justin a really easy pick to pick up the Claret Jug.

Oh yeah, he’s also playing at home too, which undoubtedly will put him in a happier mental place than schlepping around his new, adopted digs in America.  You’d be surprised how uplifting it can be to get kippers and eggs for breakfast, sardines on toast for lunch, steak and kidney pie for supper and blood pudding or spotted dick for dessert whenever you want them…without having to go through 35 minutes of explanations and sour faces on the receiving end of the order.

Most of you will recall that Rose first came under the spotlight at the Open Championship back in 1998.  He was 17-years old…an amateur who captured the imagination of the world…and came this [ ] close to winning the whole thing, a la Seve in ‘76!

As soon as he left the course, he went pro and promptly fell off the face of the planet…missing 21 consecutive cuts.

Happily, the Rose ship righted itself long ago…and this year it’s positively buoyant.  This weekend Justin is a bonafide fave to become the first Brit since Sir Nick to become the “Champion Golfer of the Year.”

By the way, deep, deep down in my heart, I’ll be rooting for Nick Faldo to roll back the clocks, make a glorious return to form and capture another Claret jug this weekend.  I mean really, how cool would that be?

Lee Westwood

I love watching this guy play.  And this year, it’s been the most fun of all.

He’s quick with a laugh.  He shrugs off his bad shots, literally with a shrug of his shoulder and rarely takes life terribly seriously.  You know the minute he gets away with something too…he’ll look right at his caddy (and a lot of the gallery too) and give him a comedic wince, followed by a tremendously sheepish grin and a wink and a bit of a giggle. He’s the guy everyone would want to play a round with, because it would be so much fun.

Half way through the year, he already has a spectacular season under his belt…one that almost every other player on Tour would trade for.

And, when it comes to performing in major championships, Westwood has a knack of lining up his shot, sticking that tongue of his out, taking dead aim and climbing up the leaderboard.

I think there’s a great chance that Lee will do it this time ‘round.  Expect to see Westwood in one of the final groups on Sunday, grinning, laughing and wincing his way toward the winner’s circle.

Ernie Els

The Big Easy has been on a big roll in 2010…and he’s been dominating courses and fields that have been anything but easy.

With a win at the WGC CA Championship…taking home that very cool broadsword from Arnie’s Invitational at Bay Hill (hands-down the best trophy in golf)…AND capturing third place at the US Open at Pebble Beach, Ernie has acclimated himself well to the nosebleed section of the pairings sheets, whenever the world’s best gather to compete.

Of course, he’s no stranger to sealing the deal and taking home hardware at the majors.  He’s a former Open Champion and has two US Open titles to his credit to boot, so he’d been there and done that and he’s ready to do it again.

Winning another Open Championship title this weekend is well within his grasp…and would certainly cement his spot in golfing lore.

Graeme McDowell

One look at this guy’s face and you instantly like him…a lot! 

You might not be able to pick him out of a lineup right now…but if you saw him, I think you’d find it hard not to root for him somewhere deep down in your gut.

His win at Pebble Beach this year at the US Open was nothing short of remarkable.  With his pre-tournament odds from the English bookies set at somewhere around a gazillion to one, McDowell kept his cool and finished even par for the tournament…holding off one of the scariest group of contenders you’ll ever see breathing down a leader’s neck on the closing wholes. 

After going through a baptism of fire like that, AND emerging victorious in the process, I think McDowell is more than capable of stringing back-to-back wins in the majors this year.

Hailing from Northern Ireland, I think it’s also worth saying that McDowell’s game was MUCH more suited to winning at St. Andrews than it was at Pebble.  He’s already knocked off the hard one (for his style of play).  Playing for his second consecutive major title at The Old Course, where he can play the kind of golf that launched him onto the world golf scene in the first place, should be more than comfortable for him.

And now that I’ve had my babble, let’s see what took place down in the basement this week:

D&D ‘s Picks Daughter & Dartboard)

• Paul Casey
• Jean Hugo
• Thomas Levet
• Loren Roberts

 Bonus Selections – The Reno-Tahoe Open

No long diatribe for each selection here (I can hear you offering thanks for that)…but here are our selections for this week’s Reno-Tahoe Open:

Derek’s Picks 

• John Rollins
• Alex Cejka
• Ryan Palmer
• Chad Campbell

 D&D ‘s Picks Daughter & Dartboard)

• Mathias Gronberg
• Roger Tambellini
• Josh Teater
• Nicholas Thompson

(Lots of “T’s” there huh?  What can I say…just like “Dr. FRONK-en-schteen,” she had some unusually nice grouping this week!)

And that’s all for now folks.  Have a great week…and enjoy the action from St. Andrew’s.  Go Nick!!!

Cheers,

Derek