Elvis Sightings and Leprechaundiments


Hello Crime Fighters and welcome to our third installment of “Poolside,” on Canadian…or as it’s rapidly become known, “Daughter Knows Best.”

Before we get on to the picks for this week’s PGA tour stop, let’s recap the carnage from last weekend’s Memorial tournament at Muirfield Village and see how your faithful prognosticator fared…and, for those of you who take great (perverse) pleasure in seeing a columnist humbled, we’ll also tally up the totals for my daughter and her fearsome darts:

Week 2 Picks – The Memorial

Derek                                                                                 Daughter & Dartboard

Ryan Moore         T5      $219,000                             Ricky Barnes    T3        $348,000

Jim Furyk             T10     $156,000                            Stewart Cink       T8       $180,000

Geoff Ogilvy         T41        $21,600                           Aaron Baddeley   T47     $15,864

Mike Weir                              CUT                               Ernie Els                            CUT

Total this Week         $396,600                            Total this Week          $543,864

Total this Season      $484,969                           Total this Season     $1,291,894

All in all, it was a MUCH more respectable week for yours truly. Then again, after the dismal way I kicked off this column, I had very little chance of turning in a worse performance. (Yeah…that’s it…I’m pacing myself!)

The counterpoint to my improvement of course, is that my evil spawn and her projectiles of doom turned in another really solid performance, managing to beat my carefully crafted selections with her random lobs at the dartboard. You know, that whole dartboard thing seemed like a really clever idea at the time. Skill versus random chance. Whodathunkit!

By the way, before we put the entire Memorial tournament into the archives, I just wanted to mention something in passing…

Now that he’s playing on the big stage, making ungodly lumps of cash and getting lots of camera time, don’t you think someone from Rickie Fowler’s camp should tell him to start buying hats that actually fit him?

I can’t help it, but every time I see the kid strolling down the fairway my first thought is that he borrowed his grandfather’s hat. You know the one…the grandfather with the truly enormous head.

Okay, now that I’ve got that out of my system, onward and upward fans. We have another big event coming up this week. I say “big,” because it’s the final chance for players to get in peak competitive form for the US Open and there are more than a few “A” tier players who are in the field this week.

It’s big for me too, because this could be a great opportunity to pull a few rabbits out of my hat, make some stellar selections and finally assume my rightful position atop our little family leaderboard of two.

The tourney this week is the St. Jude Classic. Many people will remember this as the tournament that comedian Danny Thomas hosted way back in the 17th century as a fund-raising venture to support St. Jude Children’s Hospital and the fantastic work they do for kids.

I don’t have too many memories of Danny Thomas, but I DO have a lot of fond boyhood memories of his daughter Marlo Thomas. “That girl” and Marsha Brady were my first two serious crushes as a young lad and Marlo will always have a special place in my heart with that quirky sense of humour, the tantalizingly short miniskirts and the smoky bourbon voice that positively dripped sensuality.

Excuse me…I think I need a quick cigarette break!

The St. Jude Classic

For those of you wondering whether you’ll see Mike Weir’s name in my selections this week, the answer is a regretful “no.” I figure that, more than anything, will probably be the magical elixir that spurs Mike on to victory this week.

Plus, I took a bit of a personal drubbing off the keyboard of Fairway Stevie in the comments section last week. Stevie actually called me a “Homer” for taking Weir when he himself admitted that he’s been struggling mightily. To be honest, it’s one of the nicer things Waxy has called me in all the years we’ve know each other.

Ah, good times.

Rory McIlory

With a very strong 2009 and one win under his belt already this year (the Quail Hollow Championship), McIlroy has rapidly established himself as one of the up-and-coming breed of next gen superstars.

Hmmm…that sentence was convoluted enough to come out of Jim Nance during a CBS broadcast. I’ll have to watch out for that.

Coming off a top 10 finish at the Memorial AND with the US Open clearly in his sights as his first legitimate chance to rack up a major, I look for McIlroy to turn in a really strong performance this week.

Padraig Harrington

Having already taken McIlroy, I guess I’m in an Irish kind of mood this week.

Paddy’s back on this side of the Atlantic and has his sights set on racking up another major victory.

Whether he can turn around his underwhelming performances at The Masters and The Player’s Championship to score a major win next week at Pebble, I think the fact that he’s here this week spells danger for the field in Elvis Country. Have a big old fried peanut butter and ‘nana sandwich…with a Guinness!

Zach Johnson

Zach’s win two weeks ago at the Crowne Plaza Invitational was a welcome return to form, following a fairly lackluster start to his 2010 campaign. Now that he’s blooded, I fully expect him to be on the hunt for more trophies and pushing hard (but intelligently) to get himself into top form for his assault on the US Open.

With a green jacket to his credit, Johnson is hungry to establish that he’s not a major “one hit wonder” and will be zoned in this weekend.

Bryce Molder

Tied for second place in last year’s St. Jude…and with several top 10 finishes so far this season, this could be Molder’s weekend to shine. His confidence is growing with every tournament he enters and it seems like it’s just a matter of time until he hoists a trophy over his head.

I think the absence of some of the heavyweight players who are taking this week off to tune up for Pebble Beach in their own way, is a help to Molder. That’s not to say that the St. Jude field is weak this year…far from it. But, let’s be honest…it’s a whole lot easier to get the lead and hang on to it when you don’t have to look over your shoulder at Mickelson, Woods and a handful of others who inspire huge gulps among competitors down the finishing stretches.

Okay, now that I’ve stuck my neck out on the line, let’s see what the spawn has managed to conjure up with her assault on the dartboard:

Daughter and Dartboard

• Heath Slocum

• D.J. Trahan

• Stuart Appleby

• Tom Pernice Jr.

(Insert sinister laughter here and visualize me cocking an eyebrow, placing pinkie to mouth in my best Dr. Evil pose). This one is in the bag.

And there you have it folks. If you have any comments on our picks, the tournament or the Tour in general, please feel free to chime in any time the mood strikes you. We’d love to have your feedback and hear who you think might score a win.

And remember, offering up your comments could actually turn you into a winner too. For the next several weeks, all new members to the new are automatically entered into our draws for a dozen sweet Titleist Pro-V1 golf balls.

Have a great week. I’m going to be up to my eyeballs in it this weekend…trying to avoid a plethora of household chores, whilst juggling my TV viewing between the St. Jude and the opening weekend of the World Cup.

The family PVR was definitely one of the shrewder purchases I’ve ever made!

Now if I could just wind back the clock and un-purchase that bloody Slap Chop.

Damn you Vince!



p.s. Will you be watching the World Cup? If so, who will you be rooting for?

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2 CommentsLeave a comment

  • Didn’t anyone tell you yet that in Ricky Fowlers generation, the position of his hat on his head is considered a “proper” fit? Kind of like those teenagers who think the correct way to wear pants is at their knees!

    And by the way, you are right on with Marlo Thomas…..I had a wicked crush on her too!

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