Island Tings I

Anna Nicole Smith screwed me too but you won’t see it on TV. Last year, the Honourable Shane Gibson, Bahamas Minister of Immigration, called me to suggest that I apply for Permanent Residence giving me the right to live and work anywhere in the Bahamas. I have known Shane and his father King Eric since 1970, they even performed at Bayview Country Club, their whole musical troupe played one night when 200 members came expecting dinner and a movie. Getting back to Anna Nicole, the same day that my application went to Immigration, Anna’s son “died” in Nassau and immediately it was announced that Shane had fast-tracked her permanent residency and all sorts of other naughty rubbish hit the press (in the Bahamas). When Shane came to play golf (he has represented the country several times and is a 3 handicap) I suggested that even though my application was all legal maybe he should delay it for a bit. Then Anna Nicole Smith goes to Florida with Shane’s Father and Step-mother and ends up dead. The same night someone broke into “her” house back in Nassau and the very next day stolen pictures appear showing Shane and Nicole together around a hospital bed (the pictures were taken by Shanes’s wife but this fact is never mentioned). Anyway all hell breaks loose, Shane resigns, and my application probably goes back to the bottom of the pile. Screwed!

A nice thing about living on an island is you know everything about everybody, much like living in Collingwood. Or so you think. Two weeks ago a Canadian gent living here for many years was killed in a car accident. His Mercedes was t-boned by another car, the Mercedes burst into flames, the other driver, unhurt, was a Doctor on his way to work. Now the Canadian’s body lies in the morgue and nobody knows he is (was). His Canadian passport(s) have several different names and when checked “are not registered”. He said he was from North Vancouver but other stuff indicates he is from Edmonton. His finger prints have been sent to Interpol. So if anyone in Edmonton (or Vancouver) is missing a 60 year old mechanically inclined person, please contact the Grand Bahama Police. I forgot to add he has a very large amount of money in the bank, enough to sponsor the Canadian Open.

And while we are so far off topic (the mystery man and Nicole don’t golf), did I tell you I live about a three wood shot from Dead Beat Dad of the Year, Dr. Dickie.