Tommy: Hey, what’s your name?
Helen: Helen.
Tommy: That’s nice, you look like a Helen. Helen, we’re both in sales. Let me tell you why I suck as a sales man. Let’s say I go into a guy’s office, let’s say he’s even remotely interested in buying something. Well then I get all excited. I’m like Jojo the idiot circus boy with a pretty new pet.
[Reaches down and picks up a dinner roll]
Tommy: Now the pet is my possible sale. Hello there pretty little pet, I love you. And then I stoke it, and I pet it, and I massage it. Hehe I love it, I love my little naughty pet.
[Pokes the roll playfully]
Tommy: You’re naughty! And then I take my naughty pet and I go…
[makes ripping noises as he tears apart the roll]
Tommy: [Wailing loudly, making the whole restaurant look] Uuuuuuh! I killed it! I killed my sale! And that’s when I blow it. That’s when people like us have gotta forge ahead, Helen. Am I right?
Helen: God, you’re sick.

*           *           *

 I chose this quote from the movie ”Tommy Boy” because the scene is hilarious and although the relevance to my blog is tenuous at best, fans of the late, great Chris Farley probably don’t care…..

*           *           *

If I know Phil Mickelson (and I don’t) he shouldn’t be able to sleep at night waiting for the U.S. Open. The planets are aligning like never before for the bulbous lefty: He is playing well, Tiger has both tires in the ditch and has shown little sign of pulling out, and Pebble Beach is a venue that rewards daring play and a sinister short game. All this begs the question as to whether Phil can close the deal or does he add it to his Sam Sneadian  mountain of U.S. Open disappointments.

He has lost just about every way concievable since the late ’90’s, each a Shakespeareian tragedy. But what happens to a person who has glimpsed a dream and too often failed to grasp it….well…you start to butcher dinner rolls (see above quote).

If Phil comes to the 18^th at Pebble beach clinging to a lead, or worse trailing, what do you think the p.s.i. will be on his Callaway driver grip….would it be enough to fracture…say… an elephant’s femur?

I guess his fans should only hope Phil has the opportunity to fail, that he again puts himself in position to capture the title he so desperately wants. And we will all be there watching, waiting for a satisfying triumph, or…and I know this is karmatically dangerous….an even more spectacular failure.

I wouldn’t mind seeing him win but if he loses I’m hoping he improves on the “I’m so stupid” press conference from ’06….something with expletives and a superficial wound to Roger Maltbie would be a start…..